180 degrees

I really have come almost 180 degrees around on depression since I started doing the 5-HTP, and found, to me surprise, that anxiety, worry and fear, have been huge for me. I didn’t previously realize that these were not part of my depression, but something else. And, when I’d get anxious, I’d get depressed. And, when I’d get depressed, I’d get anxious about being depressed. Or something. Wild ride.

I feel like the depression is still there, but it’s not that big of a deal. It’s the worry and fear that really kill me inside. And, I tend to run from that kind of pain, trying to hide from it … but, of course, I take it with me where ever I go!

So, I’m working on standing up and not running away inside when I’m anxious. Part of that was going to the Oly spiral, since Samhain has so many connections to what she and I shared, not to mention that she plays a big part in the ritual. I was able to stay in it, and face all that anxiety and worry. But, also had the legitimate sorrow about everything to work through at the same time.