I have a contract to re-negotiate. I did that a bit already, but I need to really work it out. Somehow I’ve come to the belief that when I was very young, around the time of my car accident, I arranged a contract with, who I’ve come to think of as, Ma’at that agreed to exchange happiness for being alive. I have carried this idea that in order to live I had agreed that every happy thing in my life would be taken away.
That’s a really sucky contract, especially for a kid to have to deal with. A partner once remarked, “I don’t think if there are powers like that in the Universe, that they would make a kid agree to a contract like.” Maybe that’s true, and She only made the contract because I asked for it, and She’s not the one holding me to it: I am.
So, I had the chance in a visioning/meditation to visit with divinity and have a conversation. I brought up this contract and I’m sure we can come to some new understanding. But, I need to do more on this.
I need to either just refuse the contract, repudiate it completely; or, I need to arrange something new.