The fear is based on real stuff. What’s not working is the response. The response isn’t constructive to what he wants and hopes for. Goddess knows I’ve been there. I was right too. She was leaving me; she’d been trying to figure it out for who knows how long. But, instead of doing what would have helped, I just spiraled further and further into unhealthy places.
I have to believe there’s a way for people in love to be secure enough to have that kind of independence; but, I haven’t figured it out yet. I mean, I suspect that I’m too unhealthy to be there myself. If I’m ever in a relationship again, I can hardly imagine that I could be healthy in it without preemptive counseling of some kind. That’s not something I’m looking forward to dealing with, really:
“Hey, you’re really awesome. Would you wanna go out to dinner, or a movie … and then start couples counseling with me?”