broken bit

with every broken bit
of my heart
I know she
is the Kore
to my Demeter
and I have desired
to keep her
from being seduced
by new pleasures
that I cannot give
and cannot partake
she has left
and become queen
of places I am not welcome
every piece of my broken heart
yearns for her return
but now she is with Dionysios
in more ways than one

I wanted to be that for her
I wanted to be the one for her
I wanted to be her lover
I wanted to drink her wine
I wanted her to be mine
I wanted her
I wanted her
I still want her in my life
but as my partner in crime
and in loving and living
and growing and dancing
and singing and playing

and I worshiped her
in ways that did not satisfy
and if I could have changed
why didn’t I?
and if I didn’t change
why couldn’t I?

I was a total failure
keep fooling myself
that I have a future
but futures are shorter
and darker every day

when she left I got old