I’ve been an absolute failure and disappointment to her, and I’ve been trying so very hard to live up to her decision to end things. But, I’m struggling with it. I don’t want to run away, but when I see her I’m either filled with false hope or I feel like I’m being torn into little pieces. I want to be strong enough, but I’m not. And, I feel so lost.
I know I’m running away from Olympia, and that I’m failing my community. I’m trying to be strong, but I’m not. I’ve been embarrassed that I’m so weak. I want her to be happy, and I know I failed at being part of that. But, seeing her happy without me is like staring into the face of death. I hope she finds, if she hasn’t already, even more happiness than I hoped I would bring into her life.
But I feel broken.