But I feel broken

I’ve been an absolute failure and disappointment to her, and I’ve been trying so very hard to live up to her decision to end things. But, I’m struggling with it. I don’t want to run away, but when I see her I’m either filled with false hope or I feel like I’m being torn into little pieces. I want to be strong enough, but I’m not. And, I feel so lost.

I know I’m running away from Olympia, and that I’m failing my community. I’m trying to be strong, but I’m not. I’ve been embarrassed that I’m so weak. I want her to be happy, and I know I failed at being part of that. But, seeing her happy without me is like staring into the face of death. I hope she finds, if she hasn’t already, even more happiness than I hoped I would bring into her life.

But I feel broken.