she wanted me to memorize the words others had written, but she never asked me to write my own words for her. I wanted to write words of pure love, dripping molten hot silver, like a troubadour praising the divine feminine. I wanted to pray to her on bended knee and raise my voice in song to her strength and beauty. but, my words failed me. but, I feared she did not want to hear me.
did I even have the words to say how much I felt for her? I stumbled to even say anything at all. I struggled to speak as I was caught up in my head. my voice was silent when my heart wanted to sing. my heart tried to code a message to her but was muted by my fears and my clouded mind.
I should have not feared to say what I felt. I should have felt joy instead of fear. But, I feared that she would not hear me if I said the words I longed to say. I feared to say what I felt because I felt too much.
so I wrote about her in ritual and spoke what I felt to the directions. I called for candles to light her way and worshiped at her holy well. but, I did not tell that I was worshiping the divinity of her.